Programs > Joy of Living Meditation Group Program

Series VI – Opening the Heart - Meditation

Part I – Loving-kindness and Compassion for Ourselves

Points to Consider
When meditating on loving-kindness and compassion, we begin by learning to appreciate ourselves. Learning to fully accept and love ourselves enables us to understand the basic human desires to be happy and free from suffering. This stage of practice lays the foundation for cultivating loving-kindness and compassion for others.

Questions for Discussion

• How often do we typically feel genuine compassion for ourselves? In times when compassion is absent, what thoughts and feelings usually run our lives?
• Will generating loving-kindness and compassion for ourselves make us more selfish? Why or why not?
• How might connecting with our own wish for happiness allow us to connect with others more readily?

Daily Meditation Practice
On the cushion:  Begin each session with a short period of resting in open awareness, followed by a few minutes of repeating a phrase related to loving-kindness, such as "May I always enjoy happiness and its causes," or phrase related to compassion, such as "May I be free from suffering and all its causes." After a few minutes of contemplating, let go of the thinking and simply be aware of the feelings that are present. Close with another period of resting in open awareness.

Off the cushion: As you go about your day, reconnect as often as you can with your desire to be happy and free from suffering. When you remember to practice, repeat a simple phrase related to love or compassion (such as "May I always enjoy happiness and its causes" or "May I be free from suffering and all its causes.")  a few times and then relax your mind, appreciating the beauty of the present moment.

Reading: Joyful Wisdom 185-189

Part II – Loving-kindness and Compassion for Loved Ones 

Points to Consider
Once we’ve learned to feel loving-kindness and compassion toward ourselves, we are ready to extend these feelings to a loved one.  As we do so, we discover that we share the basic desire to be happy and free from suffering. This helps to break down the barriers of separation and lessen our fear and insecurity.

Questions for Discussion

• What is the difference between genuine love and attachment? How do these two affect relationships differently?
• Why do we consciously create loving thoughts for those we already love? What effect is this likely to have on our relationships with them, especially in difficult times?
• If we cultivate loving-kindness and compassion for others, does this mean that we won’t get our own needs met?

Daily Meditation Practice
On the cushion:  Begin each session with a short period of resting in open awareness. Next, repeat a phrase related to loving-kindness or compassion while imagining that a loved one is in your presence.  After a few minutes of directing thoughts of loving-kindness and compassion to your loved one, let go of the contemplation and simply be aware of the feelings that are present. Conclude the meditation by relaxing your mind and resting in open awareness.

Off the cushion:  When you encounter people that are dear to you, silently offer them loving-kindness and compassion by using the phrases mentioned above.

Reading: Joyful Wisdom 189-192

Part III – Loving-kindness and Compassion for Those We Have Difficulties With

Points to Consider
Once we feel comfortable cultivating loving-kindness and compassion for loved ones, we can gently extend these feelings to people we don’t know, or toward whom we don’t have particularly positive or negative feelings, and then even to those we have difficulties with. This process of gradually widening the circles of loving-kindness and compassion is a slow process and need not be rushed.

Questions for Discussion

• What’s the point of cultivating positive feelings for people we don’t know, and whom we might never know?
• Won’t cultivating loving-kindness and compassion for those who have harmed us put us in the position to be victimized again? How is this likely to affect our view of ourselves as victims?
• What is likely to happen if we respond to a situation with understanding and empathy, rather than retaliation? How might meditating on loving-kindness and compassion increase our capacity to do this?

Daily Meditation Practice
On the cushion: Begin each session with a short period of resting in open awareness. Next, repeat a phrase related to loving-kindness or compassion while imagining that either a person you don’t know or someone whom you have a slight difficulty with is in your presence.  After a few minutes of directing thoughts of loving-kindness and compassion to this individual, let go of the contemplation and simply be aware of the feelings that are present. Conclude the meditation by relaxing your mind and resting in open awareness.

Off the cushion:  As you go about your day, try to notice the people you encounter that you would usually not pay attention to and silently wish for their happiness and wellbeing.

Reading: Joyful Wisdom 192-195

Part IV  – Immeasurable Loving-kindness and Compassion

Points to Consider
Once we’ve generated loving-kindness and compassion toward ourselves, loved ones, neutral individuals, and even those we don’t like or who have harmed us, we are ready to generate immeasurable loving-kindness and compassion for all beings. This helps relieve feelings of hopelessness and fosters a sense of confidence about our ability to deal with the problems of the world. One effective way to cultivate immeasurable loving-kindness and compassion is to practice tonglen, or “sending and taking.”

Questions for Discussion

• Why do we expand our loving-kindness and compassion to include all beings? Why not just focus on those whose lives we can directly impact?
• If we imagine ourselves to be taking on the suffering of others and sending out our own happiness, aren’t we just setting ourselves up to be miserable?
• How does the practice of tonglen radically change our relationship to the things in our lives that we don’t like? What effect is this change in attitude likely to have?

Daily Meditation Practice
On the cushion: Begin each session with a short period of resting in open awareness. Then, with a spacious, relaxed mind, imagine that with each in breathe you take the suffering of all beings into yourself in the form of dark, smoky light, and that with each out breathe you are sending them your own happiness in the form of brilliant white light. After a few minutes of practicing sending and taking (tonglen) in this manner, imagine that all the beings in the entire universe are completely freed from suffering and experience true happiness, then relax your mind and rest in open awareness.

Off the cushion:  As you go about your day, practice tonglen with the people you encounter. Imagine taking on their suffering and sending them your own happiness, either visualizing as outlined above or simply forming the wish to take on their suffering and give them your own happiness.

Reading: Joy of Living 106-109

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